monster vs. monster

twenty eleven
January 5, 2011, 3:41 pm
Filed under: thoughts

So, it has been a while. I spent the last few months being pretty sad and making blanket declarations about how awful and unbearable my life had become, and suffice to say I was in no mood for blogging, baking, knitting, snapping pictures, or doing much of anything that wasn’t sitting in a dark room listening to math rock. However, now that I find myself in sunny California once again, I see not only that I managed to emerge from my abyss relatively unscathed, but also that I spent a surprising amount of time this fall doing fun things with people I love. The proverbial it is not so bad. It just demands perspective. Perspective, and nice weather.

I come away from 2010, I have to say, rather impressed with myself. This year I did things I never thought I could do. I became officially, thoroughly (and sometimes heartbreakingly) single and I started doing things for myself, on my own. I taught myself to be spontaneous and spent a summer knitting and bike riding and drinking tall boys at the park. I went to lots of shows, I learned how to dance in public without fear, I sang my first karaoke song (The Smiths, obviously). I talked my mother through my parents’ divorce, and I managed to be kind to new people I didn’t want to be kind to. I also managed not only to not drop out of grad school, but to stop wanting to drop out of grad school. I learned what teaching feels like and was not destroyed. I got robbed, and handled that. I got my first tattoo, and effing handled that. I moved in with feminists, I ate avocados, I presented a paper to a room full of smart people. I went ice skating. I went roller skating. I watched movies on sides of buildings. I watched friends fall in love, and was only a little bit broken at the end.

Despite all my self-congratulation, this past year was one of my worst ever, and I have all kinds of resolve to make 2011 better. There are things I want from my life, things I never thought I would catch myself wanting. But these are not things I can control, not plans I can exactly make. But there are resolutions I can make, which will make this year a better year for me. I want to eat locally, I want to learn French, I want to sing and dance more often, and I want to take a picture every day. I want to stay in PVD over the summer and serve coffee and teach a class and build a bicycle and make friends on the other side of town. While I might not be much of a presence here – since I think I may have hit my self-indulgence quota for a little while – I do at least want to share pictures every week and remind myself that it is all kind of nice and worth sharing. So, there. I’m back.


3 Comments so far
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I’m glad you’re back. It was always nice to read your posts and feel like I know what’s going on in your life. I hate that there are so many miles in between us and I make such horrible attempts to keep in contact. I hope your year is of to a wonderful start and I hope to see you the next time you’re in California.

Comment by ashley

lady! i’ve been off the face of the planet a bit myself this year, and haven’t seen you in quite some time, but you’re always welcome at my house in south providence! knitting, dinners and animals abound. let’s hang!

Comment by chelsea

that sounds lovely! I’ll be back in RI on the 19th, I will send you a message.

Comment by devon

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